Revulsion
by J.W.Melmoth
Summary: Kurt and Sebastian know exactly what they need from each other, and it's not hand-holding or flowers.
1. Chapter 1

Their texts are rarely longer than one word. It's fast. Efficient – like their hook-ups.

__Tonight?__

__-OK.  
><em>_

The door is open. Kurt lets himself in. It's never open for long (who would do that, in New York, unless they had a death wish?) and sometimes he misses his slot. He never rings the bell, and Sebastian doesn't stoop to answer it. Either the door is open or it isn't.

He enters the apartment and hangs up his jacket. This is usually the only part of undressing he does himself. Sebastian walks up, nods, and reaches for Kurt's shirt collar. Before he can use it to tug Kurt closer, Kurt covers his hand and keeps the fabric tight.

"No. Not this time," he says, and starts to unbutton his shirt. "I want to keep this one."

Sebastian frowns, but lets go right away. He notices how this shirt is nicer than the others.

"I have a date later," Kurt explains.

Sebastian looks towards the door, sees Kurt's jacket, but no bag. He normally brings a change of clothes and Sebastian knows that the things he wears when he comes to see him are old. Cast-offs, to be dirtied or ripped as they please and thrown away after. It's something of a uniform for him, Sebastian supposes, something that separates Kurt's actual life (and his sense of fashion) from the things they do here. He doesn't mind- recognises some of the shirts, even, from high school, and when he does it's a little bit of a turn-on. But not as much as feeling the fabric tear away under his fingers. They never talk about it, but Sebastian knows Kurt enjoys it as much as he does. Apparently, today is different.

He doesn't ask about the date. That is not the level of intimacy they share. Instead, he quietly waits for Kurt to slip the shirt off his shoulders and step out of his jeans. Kurt doesn't elaborate, and spends a lot of time diligently brushing the folds from his shirt before hanging it over a chair back. This feels as unusual for him as it does for Sebastian, because now one of their rituals is missing. Sebastian likes to start with a comment or two about Kurt's attire, which is Kurt's cue to volley back and dare him to do something about it. They get in character that way.

"Well?" Kurt asks, though his voice lacks his usual cocky confidence.

"Yeah," Sebastian replies, reaching down to remind his erection it is still needed. He steps closer, using his height to his advantage to crowd Kurt back against the wall. Kurt gasps as the cold stone hits his back, and the small widening of his eyes gives Sebastian that little kick-start he needs. He grabs Kurt's shoulders and presses him further against the surface, trapping him between the wall and his body, and kisses his lips. Kurt pushes back, but he struggles like someone who isn't really interested in winning his freedom. As Sebastian slips a knee between his thighs, the pushing becomes a grinding, and Kurt's hands start pulling him closer, fingers threading in Sebastian's hair and the loops of his jeans. There's nothing gentle about his touch- their roles slowly reverse and Kurt's embrace becomes that of a siren, reeling Sebastian in as he tries to keep from drowning. Once- twice – they flip each other over while Sebastian worms out of his clothes, a silent battle of wills only commented by low grunts and sharp hisses as they suck hard kisses into each other's skin, both knowing exactly how hard to press to sting without leaving a mark. When they are both naked, Kurt is the one to give in. He turns his back towards Sebastian and braces himself against the wall, shooting him a look of played revulsion over his shoulder. Sebastian offers him the smirk he expects to see.

"What are you waiting for, Smythe?" Kurt taunts. Sebastian ignores him because he knows that actually sets Kurt more on edge, and instead he takes his time rolling down a condom onto himself and opening a packet of lube to slick up. He presses his lubed fingers between Kurt's legs, nudging his feet further apart by kicking at his ankle, and touches himself in the same rhythm as he thrusts his fingers in. Kurt bites back a sigh and closes his eyes tightly. Sebastian can feel Kurt is still tense, but all the same he is pushing back impatiently. Sebastian aligns himself and presses inside.

Kurt inhales sharply and laughs. "Are you in yet?" he mocks, daring Sebastian to slam in harder, and with an irritated "Shut up, Hummel," Sebastian complies.

It doesn't take long, both of them getting off on the rawness of it, their bodies colliding hard enough to bruise but their mouths careful to never let their words brush more than the surface. Last names, hissed insults – no praise and no vows. No promises.

_This was the last time_, Kurt tells himself as he buttons himself back up in his clothes and his dignity, and he means it too- just as he means it every time they are done. It helps him keep guilt at bay, keeps him from thinking about his dad and what he'd say, or what a therapist would make of it that he's seeking out this strange, consensual echo of abuse. He doesn't think about Sebastian's part much. He knows their arrangement is mutually satisfying, but he's sure the boy would have no trouble finding someone else if he stopped coming. It helps to know that Sebastian has no expectations of him. Who knows, maybe, when this date works out, he won't need this any more. Their goodbyes are as informal as their hellos (_I'm off then. -Whatever. Close the door._).

Sebastian watches from his window as Kurt crosses the street, his ear already on his cellphone, eager to get back to his life. For the first time that evening, he allows himself a brief moment to feel.

"Goodnight, Kurt," he says quietly, watching the other boy disappear into traffic.


	2. Chapter 2

At first, Sebastian doesn't think much of it.

__Tonight?  
>- can't.<em>_

_Friday?_  
><em>-not in NY over the weekend.<em>

They both have busy lives. There's college and jobs, and in Kurt's case a family situation in Ohio worth checking up on (Sebastian doesn't know much about it, only that Kurt needs several jobs to afford the many trips - and his request to keep his dad out of their play-insults when they have sex tells Sebastian his family is important to him). But one week later, the short, dismissive responses are beginning to annoy him.

__Wanna come over?  
>-not tonight.<em>___You suggest a time then. It's spring break, I'm not busy.__

Sebastian waits with his phone in his hand for ten minutes, but Kurt doesn't reply. Frustrated, he scrolls through his address book and wonders if he should call someone else. He ends up ordering pizza and watching netflix instead.

He tells himself he won't try again until Kurt replies, but a few days later he is feeling like going out and his fingers automatically find Kurt's number.

__I'm going to the Wunderbar. Up for a night out?__

He fiddles with his phone and nearly drops it when the reply buzzes in.

__-I don't think that's a good idea.__

Sebastian knows it probably isn't, but Kurt's text still sort of stings. He hasn't seen him in weeks and it feels like he's been replaced. It's not a good feeling, and the fact that he even feels like this at all over _Kurt Hummel_ of all people says a lot about his childhood and his inability to bond with people, doesn't it?

__Why not? Got a new boyfriend? __

His phone buzzes again.

__-What part of no-strings-attached don't you understand? You don't get to ask that.___  
><em>

Sebastian blinks at the reply and his cheeks flush with anger. He throws his phone on the bed and grabs his coat. He doesn't need Kurt to remind him of his own offer to make their one-night stand into something easy and fun they can both enjoy without the hassle of relationships. It's what they both wanted; Kurt because of all the shit he's been through with Blaine, Sebastian because it's really all he knows. Kurt's reply makes him feel bad because Sebastian knows it's true- within their agreement, he doesn't get to question Kurt's motives. Which begs the question…why is he?

He goes to the Wunderbar by himself, pocketing his phone at the last moment out of habit but pushing it deeply into his coat pocket, not intending to dignify Kurt's text with an answer. Two hours later he's dancing on the rush of several vodka-redbull's and feeling like he's got a little bit of his game back: at least two guys are checking him out and the night is still young. He's about to make a move on one of them when someone taps his shoulder.

It's Kurt. He is unusually inappropriately dressed for a guy who claims to have the fitting outfit for everything. Sebastian gives him a nod to show he's recognised him and wants to turn away, but Kurt mouths something at him, the music too loud to make himself heard. Sebastian isn't sure what he means, so Kurt holds up his phone and points at Sebastian. He frowns and takes it out. There are several messages and two missed calls from Kurt. Kurt waits as he scrolls through them.

__-I'm sorry. That was rude.__

__-Are you still there? I think we should talk.__

__-Sebastian, please pick up your phone.__

__-ok I'm coming over.  
><em>_

Sebastian looks up from his phone. Kurt is still there, looking a little anxious. Sebastian points towards the exit. If they were going to have a talk about this, they need to go somewhere less loud.

"Okay," Sebastian says over coffee in a dimly lit café nearby. It's late and they are the only ones there. His head is still spinning a little so he hopes Kurt won't use all of his decibels to tell him he has been pushy and annoying. "You wanted to talk."

"Yeah," Kurt hazes, turning his coffee cup between his palms.

"So?" Sebastian asks. "I was kinda about to get sandwiched between two hot college seniors so I'd appreciate it if you could just hurry-"

"I deserve better than you," Kurt blurts out.

Sebastian is taken aback so much he literally sits back against his seat. "Then it's a good thing we're not dating," he replies once he has found his words again.

"Yeah," Kurt agrees. "But it sounded like you wanted to ask me out, so…" He shrugs.

"I wasn't," Sebastian says quickly. "Just, you know, for a few months you were all over me several times a week and suddenly you're not. You should take it as a compliment that I was wondering what was up with that." It's not quite what he wants to say, but "I missed you" sounds far too sappy. It's better to make it sound like he was horny and missed his easy bootycall.

Kurt winces and nods, like he expected him to say something like that. It makes Sebastian want to take it back- and what's up with that? He used to pick his words for that exact reason.

"I can't see you any more," Kurt says quietly. "It's not… I don't think it's healthy for me."

Sebastian frowns. "What? Why? I get my check-ups. We're safe…" Kurt quickly cuts him off.

"No, I mean mentally. This thing we do, it's…not normal, is it?" Kurt is pointedly looking down at his cup and there are splotches of red in his cheeks. Sebastian wants to brush it off with a joke but his head is coming up empty. Still avoiding his eyes, Kurt continues.

"I met this guy at school," he starts, and Sebastian feels the rest of his alcohol buzz fade. "He was really sweet and handsome and polite and caring and he kept telling me how talented I was-"

"Sounds like a Disney Prince," Sebastian cuts in, and he feels proud of himself for getting a little grip on himself again.

"Yeah," Kurt agrees. "So I thought, maybe it was time I tried dating again."

"But?" Sebastian asks, curious about Kurt's use of the past tense.

Kurt grimaces. "But…two weeks ago he stayed the night-"

"And he was crap?" Sebastian says, half laughing and feeling a little self-satisfied. He might not have the other things on Kurt's wishlist but he knows he has _that_ down.

Kurt shakes his head. "Not exactly. He was…sweet and tender and took it slow-" He breaks off, looking frustrated. "It was _me_. I couldn't make it work. It just didn't…do it for me." He covers his face with his hands. "I actually asked him to try the things _we_ do. You and I. And he tried, but he couldn't. He said it went against everything he felt, and even to pretend was making him…you know."

"Go limp?"

Kurt nods under his hands. Sebastian isn't sure what to make of it. He's kind of pleased, but he also feels bad because Kurt is clearly very embarrassed. It can't have been easy to tell Mr Dreamboat to drop the nice act. But even so, he doesn't really get Kurt's logic.

"So, instead of sending him home and calling me to finish the job, you start blowing me off? That makes zero sense. If I can give you what you need-"

"But I don't _want_ to need that! I feel like a freak!" Kurt interrupts, lowering his hands. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to want romance. Movie dates and dinner dates and cuddling. It was always enough until— until _you_."

Sebastian wants to be smug but Kurt's frustrated expression is making it difficult. He tries to understand what Kurt is saying. "I don't think what we do is wrong," he says quietly. "You're not a freak."

Kurt smiles mirthlessly. "Well, thanks. But having a guy completely lose interest in you because of your fantasies really makes you think twice. I need to stop this. If I keep indulging, I'll never be able to have a normal relationship."

Sebastian bit his lip. He was completely out of his depth with this, but at the same time he wanted to say something to make it better. "Who says you can't have both? You don't need to settle for vanilla sex just because you want love, Kurt."

Kurt scoffed. "I'm not a cheater, so you can stop it right there, Smythe."

"I didn't mean with two guys. I meant: there has to be a guy out there who can give you all of those things."

"Yeah, right, like who? It's not like people advertise that sort of thing in their facebook profile…"

Sebastian doesn't say anything for a few moments. He kind of wants to speak up, but something's holding him back. He pushes his nails into the paper edge of his cup, trying to make up his mind, but Kurt thinks faster.

"Sebastian… _you're _the one who suggested we should keep this casual," he says, sounding a little edgy. Sebastian isn't sure if it's from disappointment or annoyance.

"And _you_ agreed," he counters, and then breathes in sharply. "Look, I'm not saying I'm in love with you or anything-"

"Good, because I wouldn't believe you anyway," Kurt bites back. Sebastian pushes on.

"But the past few weeks, when you kept blowing me off, I was trying to think of reasons why you would do that-"

"…because it couldn't _possibly_ be that I have a life," Kurt comments. Sebastian ignores him. If he stops now he'll probably regret it forever.

"And I realised I didn't really know anything about you besides from what Blaine told me. Like, what do you do outside of NYADA? What's your family like? Do you still hang out with your highschool friends? What kind of books do you read?" He breaks off and looks down at their cups. He smirks. "I know how you want your hair pulled and your dick sucked, but I wouldn't even know what kind of coffee to order for you. And, call me crazy- but I realised I _want_ to know those things," Sebastian finishes.

Kurt stares at him, his snarky replies forgotten. "Why?" he asks bluntly. "Just now you couldn't wait to get back to your…guy sandwich."

Sebastian shrugs. "Yeah well, that was when I thought you were going to tell me we were over."

"I did."

Sebastian smiles. "Your delivery lacked conviction. I expected more from a Dramatic Arts student."

Kurt shakes his head, but the corners of his mouth are curling up. "Getting to know me would require quite a few dates, you know," he says. "It's gonna be effort. You might not be into it."

"Maybe not. But I won't know until I try." He looks at Kurt over the table. It's clear that Kurt is still hesitating. Sebastian doesn't blame him- he knows he's no Disney Prince, and he probably never will be. Finally, Kurt speaks again.

"Okay. Let's try it. But if you cheat on me, we're done." Kurt sounds very rational, down-to-earth. It's not exactly the epic romance he claims to want, but who knows? There might be potential. They have some common ground to build on- even if it's just physical- and they aren't going in blind. There are no rose-coloured spectacles. To Sebastian, it feels like they have a better chance at success than those lovesick fools who think everything their precious crush does is adorable.

"Cool. Can I get you another coffee?" he offers.

Kurt nods. "Decaf and skimmed milk."

Sebastian rolls his eyes but smiles. That's one thing crossed off his list of things to figure out about Kurt Hummel.


End file.
